Saturday, April 3, 2010

Here Are Some Secrets

I cannot help it. Runs endlessly like the energizer bunny. To think about everything, and mostly nothing.
But I like it. I love it. I can't help doing it.
My mind is an auto-pilot. Where it goes and what it's going to do? Cannot be controlled whatsoever.

Like I said, it's probably nothing. Sometimes I just sing inside my head, counting the tree leaves (yeah I tend to do this, then when I miss-count, I start all over again), counting my inhales and exhales, looking at people; trying to predict what's inside their minds, watching a man lifting plenty of boxes, a cat walking, a dog sleeping, ants marching, "I wonder if...", pretending my finger as a pen and air as the papers (if you look closely, my index finger often dance; I'm actually writing something there), thinking, "Butterflies; can they fly as high as birds or not?", and many others. These are just a few amongst too many. Glimpses. Then, one leads to another, and another, and another.

Due to this, people think I'm a snob; arrogant as I rather sit still, not talking, no chitchatting. Here's a secret: I'm clumsy, afraid of doing something silly, say the wrong word, especially to people I barely know. I'm not trying to look cool or mysterious. No. Just plain clumsy. There. Out in the open.

I admit, I think too much of something.

A friend said yesterday, "I wonder, what are you thinking about? Every time I see you smoking at the office's balcony, you're busy... day dreaming, can't even hear when people are calling you!" Today, a friend said, "Sometimes, I get tired hearing myself talking, but I cannot stop! I have to talk." Then I replied, "Well, I'm the opposite. I'm tired of talking, I prefer silence."

You see, I can only open myself to those I'm close to, those I can trust. I believe for those who know me would deny that I'm a quite person. But I believe they do notice these moments of silence that I have. Because, one of my best friends is this thing inside my head. And I don't want to trade it with anything. I love it, just the way it is.

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